yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I could make wine with my vomit
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
