Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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