The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
