I just made out with a guy for $7.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sober January is a disaster.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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