I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
