Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The Olympian is in my bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
