Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
