and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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