I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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