I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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