i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
