We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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