Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
