The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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