if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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