You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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