apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
