Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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