I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Alive.
So much puke
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
