My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
