I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
