He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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