I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
