you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
