yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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