I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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