Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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