:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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