Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
