yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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