Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
