Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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