He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
