omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
