arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
