I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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