at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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