so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
