McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
