he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
