I am in a vortex of obligation.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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