Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Houston, we have a squirter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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