We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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