How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
