The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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