i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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