I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize