You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
