Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
