I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
