everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
