Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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