guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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