Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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