my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize