NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
