i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
