we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am spending my child support on dildos
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
