The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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