I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
