the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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