My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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