glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
