no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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