i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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