i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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