Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
