My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
