Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
