Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
